Pretty in Pink - the story continues

I am a sentimental fool. There is really no other way to explain why, when preparing for a night of babysitting, I bypassed the Foreign Language and Art House sections of my local Video Focus and headed determinedly for Classics. There, inexplicably amongst Casablanca and Citizen Kane, was the 'classic' 1986 film, Pretty in Pink. I first watched this film when I was about 10 years old. I recall praying to Santa Claus (don't ask), that one day I would grow up to be exactly like Andie (Molly Ringwald) from Pretty in Pink. Twenty four years on, I think Andie would benefit from a punch in her pouty face.

Let me try to explain my strong reaction by outlining the plot of this 'classic' tale of teenage love from the wrong side of the tracks. Andie (Ringwald) is poor. She doesn't like being poor so she pouts a lot. She makes her own clothes out of tapestries and tablecloths. She has a penchant for pearl necklaces (double entendre alert)! Andie's best friend Duckie loves her. Duckie is sweet, funny and impeccably dressed.

'I'm poor.' 'I love new wave'.

Andie doesn't love Duckie because she loves Blane (Andrew McCarthy). Blane is rich which is why he wasn't stoned to death in the schoolyard for having the most ridiculous name ever. Blane thinks Andie 'has something' so takes a punt and asks her to prom.

'You'll be wearing that necklace to prom right?'

Because Blane is rich, his parents and friends are judgmental. Steff (James Spader) judges the most.

 'I'm rich and I throw parties.'

Because of his judgmental friends, Blane isn't sure he still wants to take Andie to the prom. When Andie hears of this she proceeds to lose her shit in the school corridor and explodes spectacularly into a cloud of pink bile. Despite this, she isn't going to 'let them beat her', and decides to go to prom anyway. She decides to dress as a box of strawberry fruitloops.

 'I made this myself. Can you tell?'

Even though Duckie's heart has been crushed between Andie's cold, pale fingers, he goes to prom alone, in the hope that Andie will be there. Duckie tells Andie that she looks amazing. He is clearly a man blinded by love because, in actuality, Andie is dressed as a box of sugary cereal. This is because Duckie is awesome and Andie is a bitch. This is further proven when Andie spots Blane at prom, leaves Duckie alone and ruined, and heads to the car park with Blane to play 'hunt for the toy in the cereal box.' That is the official ending. But, this is what I like to think happens next;

Duckie forms a New Wave band with the divine Iona who used to work at Trax with Andie. 

'Pearl necklaces are so, like, yesterday.'

They pen a hit song called 'Molly makes me want to puke pink'. They get the guy who made the film clip to Ah-Ha's 'Take on Me' and make a billion bucks. Duckie impregnates a Brazilian supermodel and Iona just continues being awesome.

Andie and Blane move to California where they get mixed up in a cult. Blane has many wives. Andie struggles to find meaning in her life until the cult leader recognises her amazing ability to take ugly curtains and make them into ugly clothes. He bestows her the highest honor by asking her to make the shrouds which will cover the cult members' bodies after the ritual, mass suicide. She makes them pink, then everybody drinks poisonous pink kool-aid in an effort to forget this movie ever existed. 

The end.